Why do we hate the people we love?
I have recently been reading Jean-Michel Oughourlian’s beautifully crafted book The Genesis of Desire. A work that carefully blends the authors extensive psychiatric expertise, the theoretical depth of René Girard’s philosophical anthropology and recent developments in neuroscience to explore the interrelated themes of love, violence, and rivalry.
If one wishes to delve into the murky waters of our most intimate relationships to discover why they are often beset by the most intense obsession, conflicts, love triangles, compulsion, revulsion and jealousy (sometimes all at the same time) then you will enjoy this book.
Of course when it comes to such things as romantic love we can be wary of books that expose the inner workings of our most sublime feelings. But such knowledge does not have to rob love of its beauty. Something Oughourlian points out when he writes,
When we go to the theatre we certainly have no wish to see the gears hidden behind the scenery; we prefer to surrender ourselves to the pretence of the representation and not let ourselves be distracted from the pleasant illusion in which we are immersed. And yet, we know that it is an illusion, and that knowledge does not prevent us from experiencing each time a renewed pleasure, becoming once again an enchanted spectator
At its core this book offers a clear description of mimetic desire (the mechanism by which humans learn what to desire). By showing how our desire is always another’s desire (i.e. always connected with, constructed by and modified in light of other peoples desire) Oughourlian provides a way of understanding the origin of all human conflict and the birth of the concepts good and evil. An explanation that is supplemented by a subtle and interesting psychological commentary on the creation story found in Genesis.


July 2nd, 2010 at 12:43 pm
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July 2nd, 2010 at 10:56 pm
I’ve been working through Girard a bit with Barry recently. Thanks for alerting us to this book. Sounds great.
July 3rd, 2010 at 3:08 am
thats for review of book…..been reading some stuff on Grard recently!
July 4th, 2010 at 1:38 am
it seems if u trace this line of thinking it will lead to a very old tree.
July 4th, 2010 at 2:47 pm
…and as my undergrad psychology prof often said, “we can only hate people we love.”
July 6th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
I’ve been planning to read Oughourlian’s earlier book – ‘The puppet of desire’ – for a while, but it’s not that easy to get hold of. I’d be interested to know how much he adds to Girard’s basic insights.
FWIW I find James Alison’s take on mimetic desire to be more nuanced than it sometimes appears in Girard.